qlippings

hiatus

2005-07-29T09:35:00.000-07:00

My blogspot was dedicated from the start to one person. It was intended as a personal message board for ideas that were extrinsic to our ordinary conversation. My friend originally contacted me to express her appreciation for messages of mine on newsgroup alt.dreams. Dreams are related to reality, to everyday life, and inevitably our personal lives became the subject of our conversation. I have now been informed by my friend that she has found out all she needs to know from me. Thus, there is no need for Qlippings. If others have checked my blog from time-to-time, thanks, and carry on.

let's make a deal

2005-07-28T13:13:00.000-07:00

my perfect woman
hmmmm, first of all she's not "perfect"
only human, like me
she's no virgin -even "been around the block"
that's ok, warm her up for me
if she writes poetry that's definitely attractive to me
tonight after work i am going to a poetry reading by women ONLY
show my support, maybe flirt during intermission
if she's richer than me, has a better job, whatever, that's not important
a waitress would be great
she just has to let me pick up the check when we go out
i hope she's not a computer geek because two computer geeks is too much
but that's ok, too
she's got to be a real woman -no transvestites or anything radical
i don't care if she's married or has a boyfriend
guys need a change too
i don't mind kids, but i don't do diapers
her mom can stay while i go fishing
with her dad

ponderosa

2005-07-28T09:21:00.000-07:00

This is a good time to talk about the Ranch. Kayla, who I met at the Gnostic Mass, told me about her hobby, a horse, which she keeps at a boarding ranch. I asked her if I could see it. She said yes, but only if I am comfortable around big animals. When I arrived I could barely keep from laughing out loud. It looked like a BDSM club. For example, ropes and hooks everywhere, saddles, harnesses, whips! For fun, hay bales around a campfire. Kayla put me to work cleaning out Sundance's stall. That's her horse's name. Horses really are big -both sexes. Kayla is an amateur. She is used to getting her way by whining. Amimals respond to mastery. The rancher's daughter (13) showed her how it's done. It's not hard if you know what you want the horse to do. If you're just playing the horse won't obey. I offered to help Kayla with the chores another time. She said ok, then changed her mind. Then she called me and said ok, then changed her mind again.

hammer

2005-07-27T15:50:00.000-07:00

"Many have speculated that Beethoven attacked the keyboard with such fury in order to feel the vibrations of his music through the piano's cabinet as he gradually lost his hearing. In 1818 Broadwood, the pre-eminent English manufacture of the day, offered him a grand piano that incorporated all of the latest features: stronger case and frame, trichord stringing, more responsive action. This piano, too, Beethoven damaged with he fervor of his playing (a contemporary reported that "the broken strings were jumbled up like a thorn bush in a storm"), but he remained attached to it until his death in 1827. Descending into deafness, he imagined music unlike anything his contemporaries were writing; the Hammerklavier sonata from this period still strikes us as a revelation of the piano's extreme limits of power and expressiveness."

thumb down

2005-07-27T02:14:00.000-07:00

I don't believe the scandalous legend about Countess Erzsébet Báthory. Credible documents are lacking and it's not unheard of for women to be accused of witchcraft and worse. Women are either docile or they are perceived by men as a threat. I don't doubt at some point a revelry got out of hand and somebody died. The countess was 50 at the time of the alleged incident. Sado-masochistic play is not uncommon among older people. It seems the jaded appetite requires sharper stimulation. There are other material circumstances such as her religion which was anathema to the ruling clergy. The purges against the medieval Cathars come to mind and the scandals attibuted to them. Libel is a powerful weapon. Further, I question the motives of the ambitious Andrei Codrescu. Is he really a descendant of the Countess, or are most Hungarians not related? And what makes him feel he must atone for the sins of his distinguished ancestress anyway? It's bad character to use her as an opportunity to get in touch with his own wicked ideas. That excerpt from pages 64-65 was not convincing. On reflection it seems rather less the sort of thing a woman would do than a man would daydream about. The countess was supposedly 11 years of age at the time? I find it implausible that a girl of that age would find anal intercourse between men titillating. I mean, it's dirty -and girls hate dirt. Some men, on the other hand, fantasize about women touching a man's asshole. Don't ask me why.

jockey club

2005-07-26T15:49:00.000-07:00

I'm at work I've got over an hour to go. The company I work for is in the midst of a huge multi-million dollar project. The owners called a meeting today of my department to ask us to please be careful not to let anything "slip between the cracks." Everybody counts including my lowly position. I go home at 5:00. The executives work 60 weeks or more. Anyway, we were asked to be extra careful, because a document disappeared and later turned up in the trunk of a consultant's Mercedes. I had nothing to do with that but in my job I know about everything. That was an egregious error. I have to drop everything at a moments notice and support. Like right now...

can't sleep

2005-07-26T05:38:00.000-07:00

We met on newsgroup alt.dreams. I had vivid dreams about occult subjects. Stacey had dreams about vampires and bondage. Stacey emailed me directly to discuss details of dreams which are better said in private. The conversation went beyond dreams. I like Stacey's mind. At one point I noticed I was not posting dreams on the dream newsgroup. I attributed this to talking to Stacey. Stacey also reported fewer dreams. We both reported none at all for weeks. Since dreaming and reporting dreams takes a fair amount of thought and time, I enjoyed the reprieve and let the subject go. We discussed the development. We agree we have an effect on each other's dreaming. We don't need to dream when we tell each other everything. That's the subject of this blog message. When we don't communicate the dreams return. We had a misunderstanding which led to a compromise but was never resolved. I have since then had a few dreams which I felt were not important enough to post on alt.dreams and which I simply ignored. That was a mistake by our implied agreement. Stacey's nightmares have returned last couple of weeks. She is not getting her part of our bargain. If my dreams were not suitable for a newsgroup they were yet a valid detail of our personal correspondence. I am working this theory out here, not on alt.dreams, but where it may conceivably be read by others, and before I have had a chance to correspond with Stacey. If true, this is an important discovery which will concern others. It has to do with relationships and honesty.

namaste

2005-07-25T22:37:00.000-07:00

Yoga practice was beautiful after work. I'm the only student in the class! I found a session offered by the City Parks and Recreation Department. It's in a part of town where basketball rules so most people nearby can't comprehend. Their loss. It's also very inexpensive at $3.00 a session. Money will never be an excuse for not going. It's basic Hatha style. I've tried several different styles and schools in the past and I feel it working. Eventually I will practice between sessions on my own but for now I need a guru. I heartily recommend yoga. It is the pre-requisite for transcendental meditation. It beats exercise. It's cool.

my comrade

2005-07-23T19:05:00.000-07:00

I've got a new Internet penpal in Russia. Her English is good -lucky for me. But I wanted to learn a little Russian which was why I asked for a Russian penpal in case you were wondering. Reading Cyrillic is a basic requirement for history of modern art. I learned the Cyrillic alphabet a long time ago to read the messages on revolutionary posters from the Bolshevic era. I didn't have much use for writing Russian. Now I do. So, I broke out the extra language function in Windows and the on-screen keyboard. The Cyrillic keyboard is totally confusing. I have to hunt-and-click evey letter. But it works. Learning a bit of Russian is well worth the effort. There are many common words in use in English taken directly from Russian. My latest discovery followed my attempt to write "friend." It's written like this in Cyrillic:

друг

That's pronounced "droog." That's an odd word for friend. Yhe funny thing is, it reminded me of the word used by the punk character in Kubrick's "A Clockwork Orange." He called his mates "Droogs." I always thought it referred to "drugs." Silly me. He called his mates "droogs" because they were his comrades.

earthly sphere

2005-07-22T16:49:00.000-07:00

He drew near, and they told him that he was to be the messenger who would carry the report of the other world to them, and they bade him hear and see all that was to be heard and seen in that place. Then he beheld and saw on one side the souls departing at either opening of heaven and earth when sentence had been given on them; and at the two other openings other souls, some ascending out of the earth dusty and worn with travel, some descending out of heaven clean and bright. And arriving ever and anon they seemed to have come from a long journey, and they went forth with gladness into the meadow, where they encamped as at a festival; and those who knew one another embraced and conversed, the souls which came from earth curiously inquiring about the things above, and the souls which came from heaven about the things beneath. And they told one another of what had happened by the way, those from below weeping and sorrowing at the remembrance of the things which they had endured and seen in their journey beneath the earth (now the journey lasted a thousand years), while those from above were describing heavenly delights and visions of inconceivable beauty.
http://www.nmhschool.org/tthornton/myth_of_er.htm

good demon

2005-07-22T11:17:00.000-07:00

By "demon" I mean "eudaimonia" in the pagan sense. Eudaimonia is a process. The demon is a particular instance of that process. I think of the deity as the process itself, not as a particular being. Incidentally, that leads to the paradox of believing in god, while denying that god exists. Anyway, according to the classical explanation, souls enter the world through a portal somewhere at the bottom of the world, and exit at death through a portal somewhere at the top. In between is the experience of life. The soul, plus its unique fate, constitutes the person, i.e., "demon." According to this plan "above" and "below" or "higher" and "lower" don't mean "bad" and "evil" or "better" and "worse", but rather the state of the soul's progress. By analogy, college-level studies are "above" pre-college classes. The "lower" grades are not "worse" than the higher and are a pre-requisite. The pagan cosmology also accounts for our notion of "conception", how new lives are created, and for the separation of the "soul" from the physical body at the end of life.

true haiku

2005-07-21T14:07:00.000-07:00

Vegas summer night
Like an electric blanket
Who needs pyjamas?

dehydration season

2005-07-21T09:31:00.000-07:00

I just glanced at the news and noticed 18 people died in Arizona from the hot weather. It's hot in 'vegas, too. People are complaining usually because they have to work in the heat. Lay back in the shade for awhile and you will feel better. That's not always possible. Drink a lot of water. If you do throw up, for goodness sake, don't eat anything after! Drink water. Drink ice water and you may not need to throw up.
It is a fact that the liver swells in the cold weather of winter and shrinks in the summer. That's one of the reasons you lose weight in July and August. You feel so good in September you begin eating again. You still don't gain weight, but the cycle resumes. In Late winter your metabolism slows and fat builds-up. The liver gets bigger to deal with the stress of close confinement -being inside most of the time, no excercise, too much food and drink.

workout

2005-07-20T02:13:00.000-07:00

I followed a link related to a new mailing list I subscribed to. It went to a very peculiar Japanese "manual" of Tantric sex. The poor translation adds to the peculiarity of the subject. The goal of Zen sex is "blackout," the extinction of consciousness. I'm not certain that's true satori. I have passed out while breathing vigorously during yoga practice. It's interesting as an experience of passive self-control but is not satori by any means. The "manual" also defines and separates Taoist tantric sex from yoga Tantric sex. The first promotes health, power and longevity; the second leads to higher consciousness. The goal of both is more than simple pleasure. The "manual" also stresses putting your partner first -a novel idea for many Western readers. There is a graphic chart of various kamasutra-style positions lovers may take. If you look at this chart before reading the text you should know beforehand that these postures are meant to be assumed in sequence. That's right, all of them! Finally, the website lists further links. They include websites about women's menstrual cycle. Altogether, sex can be a truly esoteric subject.
http://www.mumyouan.com/i/ae-8.html

plan accordingly

2005-07-19T07:28:00.000-07:00

Mercury retrogrades Friday evening (PST). For the next few weeks Mercury's domain will experience set-backs. This is a natural occurrance and subject to interpretation. It is possible to make good use of this time. I intend to. You may not believe in astrology but I do and if you deal with me then you deal indirectly with astrology. Mercury rules communication, above all else. Mercury is "dignified" in Gemini. This will affect online relations. The moon is full Thursday morning as you are going to work and I am waking up. Saturn entered Leo last weekend. The sun enters Leo on Friday. The sun and Saturn align on Saturday. The moon is in the same phase as at my birth Sunday morning about 1:00 am. More as conditions develop...

salon

2005-07-17T23:21:00.000-07:00

I explained before I read "Baby" that my online girlfriend wanted to have a baby -but her husband didn't. I said I gave the poem it's title (like a proud father). When I finished, and returned to my chair, I felt red in the face. These are intimate sentiments to read to an audience. I don't mind. It's not often a man of my age blushes about anything. I have come to understand that blushing signals a breakthrough, that the same thing will never cause embarassment again. After the program ended, someone said he wanted to say something about what I read -but he forgot. In that context I took it to mean it resonated somewhere in his consciousness -but where was not quite known. We in the group are mostly single, engaged, or married without kids. Children remain a mystery but not an unacceptable idea. That's what I like about the group. It is a chance to talk about subjects that may be too sensitive for normal discourse. Poetry clothes naked emotion in presentable form. I would strongly urge you to join a poetry reading group, but you may have a better option. Why don't you invite talented writers in your area to visit you at home? And, not just writers and poets, but anyone you deem interesting enough to invite over. Make tea.

Baby

2005-07-17T17:07:00.000-07:00

This is the poem I will read to the poetry group tonight:

When all is without
When all is within
When everything is gone
That's when it will begin

Deliver me from my pain
When your love is overdue
Deliver me from loneliness
When I am left without you

When my heart was broken
When my tears were shed
When my spirit was taken
When my blood had bled

You were my friend
You were my lover, like no other
You were my soul
I could never love another

Stacey Whaley

barexam

2005-07-17T04:15:00.000-07:00

I just got home from the Beauty Bar. It's a new theme spot supposed to look like a retro-fitted beauty salon. It opened recently but this was the first chance I had to check it out. It was sort of cute. A row of hair dryers lined one wall. You should have seen all these squares sitting there like they were waiting for an expensive coif. The bar itself was where the hair styling chairs would have been. Of course there were mirrors and a plush "waiting room." A DJ played 80's retro rock. It tended to drive away all but the spike hair and black horn rim eyeglasses set. Beauty Bar is downtown in the sleaze district 'way off the Strip. It's for locals. If anybody asks "Do you live in Las Vegas?" -you just know they don't. I wore my shirt unbuttoned to the waist. It was 109° yesterday.
http://www.lasvegasweekly.com/2005/06/30/barexam.html

In Case of Emergency Dial 911.

2005-07-16T10:25:00.000-07:00

I want to develop the possibilities inherent in blogging. It's a good way to keep in touch with friends. Like right now, I just read your email, which was sent last night -after I called it a day at the computer. Excuse me, but I spend up to 12 hours a day (weekdays) at a computer. I need a rest. Also, after hours, who knows when you will read my reply? I trust my readers will check my blog page at least once a day at their convenience. Nobody can't get onto the Internet at least once a day. Blogging favors the kind of friendship I like. It's not negotiated, like emailing back-and-forth, or chatting. It's more like: look-at-me-look-at-you. Negotiation, or dialectic, converges upon a decision of some sort. Can't you see how email and chat are like an argument, 'though not always a heated argument? I prefer to avoid even "unheated" arguments. True, it's also possible to argue by blog. There are numerous examples of political bloggers engaging in prolonged arguments. The difference is, longer thought-out arguments are expressed by blog. According to my own assumption, you will read mine and can respond in 24 hours. Take your time, write a thoughtful response for posting on your own blog. I will read it in turn within 24 hours and answer, if answer is required. It's also fair to our friends, who also have a legitimate interest in us. You can forbid a person to email you, but you can't forbid another to stop caring. A blog provides an alternative source of news. Rest assured, you will never be cut-off from me, as long as I have a blog.

camelot complex

2005-07-15T14:53:00.000-07:00

I detect in Wuthering Heights traces of the gothic legend. http://www.eliki.com/ancient/myth/camelot/lancelot/content.htm

not alone

2005-07-15T00:34:00.000-07:00

At the doctor's office I was sitting on the examination table waiting; I passed the time reading the medical posters on the walls. One such, which went into detail about diabetes and heart disease, was a promotion for Viagra. No mention of the stuff's sexual enhancement properties. Viagra is an analog medication for "heart pills." That's why it's a very bad idea to self-prescribe it. If a person is already taking "heart pills" and adds Viagra without doctor's knowledge, he may be doubling his dosage of the same basic medication. The effect of "heart pills" on male potency is a side benefit. They work by relieving blood pressure throughout the cardiovascular system. When the whole man is functioning at optimum levels, the sexual function follows. Diabetes is affected because the kidneys (which condition the blood stream), cortisone, blood sugar, energy and stress are all involved. Viagra helps the whole system meet the demands of stress. If you want to get really deeply into the potency syndrome, hormones are affected by stress, and sexual potency depends on the right balance of testosterone. This is an analytical definition of sexual potency. While physiologically true, it doesn't follow that Viagra is the cure. My criticism is that something is causing the disease and Viagra does nothing about the cause whatever. Take away Viagra and the disease returns. Treat the cause and Viagra is unnecessary.

looking out for number one

2005-07-14T14:22:00.000-07:00

I went in for a physical examination this morning. Then I went to work. I am just getting caught up. It's after 2:00 PM. For everybody who looked for a reply to a personal email -I'm sorry. That's another use for a blog page. Email can get to be a demand. I'm not God. I can't do everything.

Sophia

2005-07-14T05:58:00.000-07:00

Gnosticism generally taught that the Earth was ruled over by a lesser "god" called Yaldabaoth, also known as the Demiurge, after Plato (Gr. demiurgos - 'one who shapes'). The Demiurge was the head of the Archons, "petty rulers" and craftsmen of the physical world. But human bodies, although their matter is evil, contained within them a divine spark or pneuma that fell from the Source, or Nothingness from which all things came. Knowledge (gnosis) enables the divine spark to return to the Source whence it came.
Many Gnostics (especially the followers of Valentinius) taught that there was the One, the original, unknowable God (sometimes named Bythos, the Monad as it is called by Monoimus, or the first Aeon); and then from the One emanated other Aeons, pairs of lesser beings in sequence. (Valentinius listed 30 such pairs.) The Aeons together made up the Pleroma, or fullness, of God. The lowest of these pairs were Sophia ("Wisdom" in Greek) and Christ.
In the Valentinian Gnostic creation myth, Sophia sought the unknowable One. In one account, she saw a distant light which was in fact a mirror image, and thus drifted even farther away from the pleroma.
Sophia's fear and anguish of losing her life, just as she lost the light of the One, caused confusion and longing to return to it. Because of these longings the matter (Greek: hyle, ὕλη) and the soul (Greek: psyche, ψυχή) accidentally came into existence through the four classical elements fire, water, earth, and air. The creation of the lion-faced Demiurge is also a mistake during this exile, according to some Gnostic sources, as a result of Sophia trying to emanate on her own, without her male counterpart.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gnosticism

false feminine

2005-07-13T09:44:00.000-07:00

The wisest thing you can do in your personal search for wisdom is make sure you know what the text you are reading means. It starts with the dictionary. That's not as boring as it seems when you get into languages other than English. I found it necessary to learn to read Hebrew. I can use a Hebrew dictionary. Let's look at an example of how definition illuminates:

...There is only one verse in the Hebrew Bible, Isaiah 34:14, that may be a reference to Lilith.
"The desert creatures will meet with the wolves,
The hairy goat also will cry to its kind;
Yes, the night monster will settle there
And will find herself a resting place."
- from New American Bible with a footnote stating the Hebrew for "night monster" is "lilith".

The Hebrew word for night is Laylah, as in the famous Eric Clapton song of the same name. It's a beautiful woman's name. If you have an ear for word consonance the words "lilith" and "laylah" suggest a common ancestor word, both having something to do with night and darkness. But what is the legend of Lilith about if not a darkly beautiful woman? If you are willing to listen very deeply into word consonances the L- root of both words may be related to the Hebrew word for "no": "La" or "Lo", for example, "Lo Tin'af" -Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery. This line of reasoning leads to philosophical questions of being and nothingness. What if the meaning of the Lilith legend is not about an alternate sexual position (which is not that unusual) but about annihilation, the shroud of death? That Lilith is not a woman but death itself in woman's guise?
http://www.noachite.org.uk/aseret_hadibrot.html

lion tamer

2005-07-12T21:23:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, July 16th at 12:30 GMT, Saturn leaves Cancer after more than two years in that sign. Saturn next enters Leo, where it will stay until September 2007. Because Saturn is a slow-moving planet it's effect is that of a burden. Since Cancer is the sign of hearth and home, as Saturn exits Cancer the burden will be lifted from the home. The ingress of Saturn into Leo will shift the burden to Leo. Since Leo rules power and ego they will be next to feel the strain. Saturn rules stability, foundation, limitation, endurance, working hard and delays. It has to do with older people, real estate, time itself and responsibility. Saturn is considered to be an earthy planet and in Leo it will be modified by a fire sign. While Saturn will dampen the fiery spirit of Leo, Leo will make Saturn "lighten up." Everybody will experience Saturn's Leo transit differently according to the unique circumstances of their own birth. These predictions apply to conditions generally. Leo is the sign of ultimate self-esteem, and Saturn is the planet that "brings down to earth." Pure celebrity therefore may not make as strong an impression when it is judged by responsibility. Perseverence on the other hand will achieve recognition. Think of the President's State of the Union address, when he points to a member of the audience who lost a leg in combat or a son in the war.

I Aspire

2005-07-11T20:10:00.000-07:00

Just off the top of my head what do I know about the Sephiroth? This is the neatest fact; The Sephardic Jews are so-called because they follow the Sephiroth. Hear the word relation Sephardic~Sephiroth? Another related word more familiar to Anglo-Saxon speakers is sphere, as in "Music of the Spheres." Yes, I am suggesting that the Sephiroth are analogous to the Neo-Platonic notion of the celestial spheres. Some would argue Plato's more esoteric dogmas are derived from Kabbalistic influences. There- I said Kabbalah. The Jews influenced Kabbalah, but the evidence points to a much older origin than the medieval Jewish mystics who passed the Zohar and other Kabbalistic books down to modern times. Obviously that's an over-simplification given the brevity of a blog post. Among conservative, synagogue-going Jews Kabbalah is not held in great esteem. They know that many earnest seekers, but of weak faith, have lost their way -if not their minds- in the labyrinthine passages of Kabbalistic scriptures.

New York Cafe

2005-07-11T08:25:00.000-07:00

I ordered a gin and tonic. The bartender asked me what kind of gin? I said whatever -the usual. Gin and tonic is not my favorite drink. I had been drinking lemonade earlier. It seemed like a better after-taste than beer. Tonic flavor is tart, like lemonade. The bartender insisted.
"What are my choices," I asked.
The bartender repeated a list of brands. I asked him what's the difference.
"Bombay is minty. Tanqueray is dry."
"Okay," I said, "I'll start with the first one on the list -Bombay."
It was a good choice because it's rather more tart than "minty" in my opinion.
When I finished that I ordered a Tanqueray. The difference was apparent. It's less so after the first few sips. But at first taste it's obvious. Tanqueray is martini gin.
I said, "So, why do you have to ask?"
That was New York talking. It felt good to be among friends.

more than skin-deep

2005-07-10T14:49:00.000-07:00

In women FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone), also produced by the anterior pituitary, is responsible for estrogen formation in the ovaries. Just like the testes in men, FSH promotes the conversion of cholesterol to estrogen. When a woman stops producing FSH, she stops menstruating (ovulating). Her estrogen levels drop (but DHEA produced by the adrenal gland still gives her some estrogen if she has a good amount of fat in her body).
LH (luteinizing hormone) is a protein hormone secreted by the anterior pituitary gland. In men, LH stimulates production of testosterone by the Leydig cells of the testes. Aromatization is the result of the aromatase enzyme converting testosterone to estrogen. When the estrogen goes high enough, the pituitary will stop producing LH and FSH.
No LH and FSH and your testicles stop producing testosterone. In any case, that's less testosterone for your system. A way to reduce your estrogen is to eat plenty of cabbage, brussels sprouts, cauliflower and broccoli. They contain indole-3-carbinol (I3C), which mops-up estrogen without any side-effects. 12 ounces of cabbage or 8 ounces of broccoli (best source) is enough daily to wipe out excess estrogen.
In tests I3C has significantly reduced the number of tumor-bearing animals and the number of tumors per animal, compared with controls, in an animal model of spontaneous mammary tumorogenesis. I3C, administered after carcinogen initiation, also significantly inhibited chemically induced mammary tumors.

glory hallelujah

2005-07-09T07:32:00.000-07:00

I was wondering just what could be the active ingredient of Viagra ever since it entered the market. I didn't need it, but I was curious. I think I've figured it out. We will never know for sure (like the exact recipe for Coca Cola) but can make a fair guess. My main clue was the excitement in the body building supplements market over Nitric oxide. I've looked at many supplemental strategies for physical enhancement but this was the most improbable I had encountered. What I couldn't understand was how to get an unstable molecule like NO into the body before it decomposes. You don't. It is created inside the body. Nitroglycerin will work.
The effect upon the cardiovascular system of Nitroglycerin has been known since its invention but never explained. Grandpa's heart pills. Recently it was discovered that it works by generating Nitric oxide as a product of detonation. I always assumed it was the detonation of Nitroglycerin that helped the heart beat. The actual process is more complicated -and interesting. Briefly, the NO produced by detonation has the effect of relaxing and dilating the blood vessels allowing better blood flow. Interestingly, this effect can be felt in the male anatomy as well!
Even if the active ingredient of Viagra isn't Nitroglycerin there's a long list of exotic nitrates that would work just as well. The key idea is detonability, to coin a term. It has to "go off" in the body. We measure this factor in meters per second. High explosives undergo detonation at rates of 1,000 to 8,500 meters per second. There are numerous formulas for high explosives. If we had our choice we would want to produce the maximum Nitric oxide with the least unwanted by-products of detonation. We also don't want to blow anything up. It will be kept in a bottle in the medicine cabinet. It's got to be profitable to mass-produce, etc.
http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/9810/12/nobel.prize.02/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Explosive#Chemical_explosive_reaction

martha stewart

2005-07-08T06:54:00.000-07:00

I stopped in a lingerie and sex toy store on the way home from work. I pass it every day. I used to smirk. "Oh, lighten up," I told myself. I rehearsed what I would say when the sales clerk asked me what I was looking for. Big store. Aisles of the stuff. On close inspection many of the articles are not as well made as glossy photos appear. I would rate the selection on a par with J.C. Penney or K-mart. Affordable by anybody. I saw a few items I would have like to pick myself up if I had someone to make a present of them. The open-crotch panties were cute and only $9.99 a pair. I liked the locking wrist band set for me. It would be fun to wear just the cuffs to the club. But the hardware was plastic. I appreciate that gives the device a non-threatening effect. Although not intended, it gives it a cheap quality, intended for bedroom play not fashion wear.

demimonde

2005-07-07T08:08:00.000-07:00

At this point, Beloved, I have just one reader. That's ok, because it was created just for you -you, and your friends. What do I mean? Well, I'm not interested in trolling for readers by affixing a hyperlink to my blog page to my newsgroup messages and personal email. I might, however, invite an individual to check out my blog, like I did "Ilona." At the poetry slam the other night I had an idea for an invitation-only poetry reading group. I noticed there's two basic types of poetry readers: the loud, in-your-face type, and the quiet, love poetry type. I thought it might be fun to go to the various readings around town and choose poets by their style -the quiet love poetry style- for exclusive membership. I won't actually do that yet because I'm still new in town. I don't want to cause any hard feelings. Some of the quiet, love poetry types are close to the loud, in-your-face types. Maybe we could start our own mailing list? That's the reason lists are moderated.

my sky

2005-07-06T14:13:00.000-07:00

I've posted a quite a few blog posts of arcane subject as boilerplate text to find out if I would keep up with it. I feel ready now to use the blog for what blogs are intended, which is a running log of ideas, not studious essays on sometimes tedious themes. Not that themes are not important, but that personal thoughts are better suited to the blog, which is timely -unlike the arcane subject matter of the type I have been blogging so far -which is timeless. If nothing else the original archive of test posts proves my familiarity with these subjects, many of which are occult. These themes continue to influence my perception of the world and I ask your indulgence when I submit opinions based on a seemingly imponderable motive. I call it the Principle, as such, and the various emanations descending from it ontologically I nominate my guiding light.

first and last

2005-07-06T09:31:00.000-07:00

For whenever in any three numbers, whether cube or square, there is a mean, which is to the last term what the first term is to it; and again, when the mean is to the first term as the last term is to the mean -then the mean becoming first and last, and the first and last both becoming means, they will all of them of necessity come to be the same, and having become the same with one another will be all one.

prisoners' dilemma

2005-07-05T12:02:00.000-07:00

The Johari Window, named after the first names of its inventors, Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham, is one of the most useful models describing the process of human interaction. A four paned "window," as illustrated below, divides personal awareness into four different types, as represented by its four quadrants: open, hidden, blind, and unknown. In this model, each person is represented by their own window:

___________________/Known to Self/Not Known to Self
Known to Others____/Open________/Blind____________
Not Known to Others/Hidden_______/Unknown_________

1. The "open" quadrant represents things that both I know about myself, and that you know about me. For example, I know my name, and so do you. The open quadrant is synonymous with the win-win situation.
2. The "blind" quadrant represents things that you know about me, but that I am unaware of.
3. The "hidden" quadrant represents things that I know about myself, that you do not know. So for example, I have not told you, what one of my favorite ice cream flavors is.
4. The "unknown" quadrant represents things that neither I know about myself, nor you know about me.
As ones level of confidence and self esteem develops, one may actively invite others to comment on one's blind spots. A teacher may seek feedback from students on the quality of a particular lecture, with the desire of improving the presentation. On the other hand, we all have defenses, protecting the parts of ourselves that we feel vulnerable. Remember, the blind quadrant contains behavior, feelings and motivations not accessible to the person, but which others can see. Feelings of inadequacy, incompetence, impotence, unworthiness, rejection, guilt, dependency, ambivalence for loved ones, needs to control and manipulate, are all difficult to face, and yet can be seen by others. To forcibly reveal what another wishes not to see, is "psychological rape," and can be traumatic. Fortunately, nature has provided us with a variety of defense mechanisms to cope with such events, such as denial, ignoring, rationalizing, etc. By withholding negative feelings, you may be signaling to your friends to withhold also, and keep their distance. Thus, your communication style may seem bland or distant.

archon

2005-07-04T14:14:00.000-07:00

The spheres are the seats of the Archons, especially of the Seven, that is, of the planetary gods borrowed from the Babylonian pantheon. It is significant that these are now called the Old Testament names for God, (Iao, Sabaoth, Adonai, Elohim, El Shaddai), which from being synonyms for the one and supreme God are by this transposition turned into proper names of inferior demonic beings -an example of the disparaging and degrading tendencies to which Gnosticism subjected ancient traditions in general and Jewish tradition in particular. The Archons collectively rule over the world, and each individually in his sphere is a warder of the cosmic prison. Their tyrannical world rule is heimarmene, or universal fate, a concept taken from astrology but now tinged with the gnostic anti-cosmic spirit. In its physical aspect this rule is the law of nature; in its psychical aspect, which includes, for instance, the institution and enforcement of the Mosaic Law, it aims at the enslavement of man. As guardian of his sphere, each Archon bars the passage to souls that seek to ascend after death, in order to prevent their escape from the world and return to God. The Archons are also creators of the world, except where this role is reserved for their leader, who then has the name of demiurge (the world-artificer in Plato's Timaeus) and is often painted with the distorted features of the Old Testament God. 'Heimarmene is a natural order of the Whole by which from eternity one thing follows another and derives from it in an unalterable interdependence.' [quoted from Cicero, De Divinatione, I, 125-128.] From the concept of order and interdependence in the topological sense embodied in the definition of heimarmene follows its meaning as logos, as the divine order and law.

pyramid

2005-07-03T13:27:00.000-07:00

To calculate the solution to the problem of the odds of losing a coin toss exactly nine times out of eleven, here are two ways to do so. The first method doesn't require a formula. Take the eleven coin flips:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

We're now going to calculate the odds of winning a coin toss exactly two times out of eleven (which is, of course, exactly the same thing as calculating the odds of losing the toss nine times out of eleven.) First, we calculate the total number of possibilities, which is 2 to the eleventh power, or 2048. Now, to figure out how many times out of 2048 a team wins exactly two coin tosses out of eleven, assume that the team won the 1st coin toss. How many different ways could it end up winning a total of two? Ten: 1-2, 1-3, 1-4, 1-5, 1-6, 1-7, 1-8, 1-9, 1-10, and 1-11. Now we add the chances if the second coin toss was won, exactly the same way as before; the only difference is not counting 2-1, since we already counted that earlier. So, we get 2-3, 2-4, 2-5, 2-6, 2-7, 2-8, 2-9, 2-10, 2-11, for another nine chances. Just continue to go through the numbers in the same way, making sure not to count the same combinations twice. Then, we end up with 10 + 9 + 8 + 7 + 6 + 5 + 4 + 3 + 2 + 1, or 55 chances out of 2048 that the coin toss will be won exactly two times out of eleven (or lost exactly nine times out of eleven). We can list all 55 possibilities:

1-2 1-3 1-4 1-5 1-6 1-7 1-8 1-9 1-10 1-11
2-3 2-4 2-5 2-6 2-7 2-8 2-9 2-10 2-11
3-4 3-5 3-6 3-7 3-8 3-9 3-10 3-11
4-5 4-6 4-7 4-8 4-9 4-10 4-11
5-6 5-7 5-8 5-9 5-10 5-11
6-7 6-8 6-9 6-10 6-11
7-8 7-9 7-10 7-11
8-9 8-10 8-11
9-10 9-11
10-11

shemhamphorash

2005-07-01T07:57:00.000-07:00

There is a name that is derived from the three verses (Exodus 14:19-21) , "And traveled ... And came ... And stretched..." The letters of the first verse, "And traveled..." are arranged in this name in the order that they are in the verse. The letters of the second verse, "And came ..." are arranged in the name in reverse order. The letters of the third passage, "And stretched..." are arranged in the name in the same order as they occur in the verse, just like the case of the first verse. Each of these verses has 72 letters. Therefore, each of the names that is derived from these three sentences, "And traveled... And came... And stretched..." contains three letters. These are the 72 names. They emanate and divide themselves into three sections, 24 to each section. Over each of these sections is a higher Officer. Each section has four directions to watch, east, west, north and south. The four directions then have a total of 24 forms. [This is true of the first section] as well as the second and the third. All of them are sealed with YHVH, God of Israel, the living God, Shaddai, high and exalted, who dwells in eternity on high, whose Name is holy, YHVH. Blessed be the name of the glory of His kingdom forever and ever.

essence

2005-06-30T14:23:00.000-07:00

There is something intelligible, which it behooves thee to
Understand with the flower of the mind.
Yet understanding something thou shalt not understand this wholly;
For it is a power of circumlucid strength,
glittering with intellectual rays.
For the King did set before the multiform world
An intellectual, incorruptible pattern; of whose form
According to which the world appeared
Beautified with all kinds of ideas; of which there is one fountain,
Out of which come rushing forth others undistributed,
Being broken about the bodies of the world, which through the vast recesses,
Like swarms are carried round about every way.
Seek thou the way of the Soul, whence or by what order
Having served the body, to the same place from which thou didst flow.
esotericarchives.com/esoteric.htm

shopping spree

2005-06-29T06:48:00.000-07:00

Glycerylphosphorylcholine
Quercetin, water-soluble quercetin
Phosphatidylserine
5-Loxin
Pregnenolone
Nexrutine
Gamma Tocopherol
palm-oil tocotrienol, s gamma tocotrienol
Gamma E Tocopherol/Tocotrienol

Nettle leaf extract Nettle root extract (Urtica dioica) helps suppress the effects of estrogen and sex hormone-binding globulins by stopping them from binding to prostate cells. Pygeum inhibits inflammatory processes and has been shown to alleviate prostate discomfort. Saw palmetto extract inhibits the binding of DHT (dihydrotestosterone) to prostate cell receptor sites. Saw palmetto also acts as an alpha-adrenergic receptor inhibitor, reducing urinary urgency and inflammatory action in the prostate gland. lycopene and boron to help protect against the formation of aberrant cell colonies.

Biotin
Alpha lipoic acid
Benfotiamine
DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone)

The most important essential fatty acids to supplement with are GLA (gamma linolenic acid), DHA (docosahexaenoic acid) and EPA (eicosapentaenoic acid). Some people choose to take flax or perilla oil, which are rich in alpha linolenic acid. In a healthy body, alpha linolenic acid is enzymatically transformed into DHA and EPA. Some people are deficient in the enzyme (delta-6-desaturase) needed to convert alpha linolenic acid into DHA and EPA. GLA can be obtained from several sources, but borage oil provides the highest concentration of this inflammation-suppressing prostaglandin E1 precursor.
Aging men and women are invariably DHEA deficient. Many men over age 40 often have too much estrogen and too little free testosterone. Aging women need to balance their progesterone and estrogen (using safe natural estrogen supplements and drugs) levels. Thyroid deficiency is an epidemic problem, especially for women. The proper blood tests can provide the data needed to design an individualized hormone modulation program. Life Extension offers special blood test panels designed to help provide the information needed to safely achieve youthful hormone balance. The good news is that prices of blood tests have been drastically reduced. Call 1-800-208-3444 for more information on mail order blood testing.

Indole-3-carbinol (I3C) is a plant compound from cruciferous vegetables such as cabbage and brussels sprouts. It has been shown to function via multiple mechanisms to inhibit the development of aberrant cell colonies.
I3C has been shown to:
Protect the genomic structure of DNA.
Convert dangerous estrogens (16-alpha-hydroxyestrone) that cause the development of aberrant cell colonies to safer forms of estrogen (2-hydroxyestrone) that prevent the development of aberrant cells.
Block estrogen receptor sites on the membranes of breast and other cells.
Restore p21 suppressor gene function
Induce apoptosis of aberrant cells.
Protect cells against the genotoxic effects of pesticides and other environmental pollutants including dioxin.
Slow the propagation of aberrant breast and prostate cells.

Resveratrol is an extract from red grapes and other plants that scientists are very excited about. A tremendous number of studies published in 2003 indicate that resveratrol provides multi-faceted benefits. For the first time, resveratrol is available in a standardized whole grape extract designed to provide many of the benefits attributed to red wine, without the ethanol.

http://www.lef.org/

By Visceral Respondent

2005-06-27T18:52:00.000-07:00

PARASAMGATE.
YES: BEYOND.
Promise I will be forever yours.
Promise not to say another word.
Never mind what's done is done.
Always was the lucky one.
Smarter, deeper, wiser, stronger, admitted.
I bleed.
6/26, 9 AM

TELL ME YOU don't love me.
6/25, 9 AM

http://www.chicagoreader.com/class/personals.html?sort=start

organ bank

2005-06-25T07:49:00.000-07:00

She had been faithful to no one for six years.
Then she met the man who matched her
Brain and body.
All was well until she offered her greatest gift,
Fidelity.
He did not reciprocate.
Needed time to contemplate.
Three weeks, three months, six.
Time enough for lover's tricks.
Love reduced to an installment plan.
She felt she was an organ donor.
Preferred that to perennial loner.
Her heart was proffered but removed, to a
Jar of something crude.
He wanted the beats, but the connections were questionable.
Always another available soon-fresher, younger, more malleable.
Too much love smashing, supplies abundant organs.
Always for him, the
Bank is full.
http://nasty.cx/archives/000413.php

mythic moods

2005-06-24T06:41:00.000-07:00

Apatis is Deceit, offspring of Nyx
Ate is Delusion, ruinous conduct.
Bia is Violence, Force. Together with Cratos and Hephaestus, Bia chained Prometheus to the rock.
Cratos is Dominion, Power.
Eris is Discord, the nurse of war.
Eros is Love.
Hybris is Insolence, mother of Pan by Zeus.
Hygia is Health.
Litae are Prayers, daughters of Zeus.
Moerae are the Fates.
Nemesis is Retribution, Divine vengeance.
Pan is Fear that is called panic.
Philotes is Pleasure of love, friendship.
Physis is Nature. Physis shaped Aphrodite.
Poine is Vengeance
Pothos is Longing, a being of inconstant mood. Pothos is an attendant of Aphrodite

I don't love you.

2005-06-23T19:39:00.000-07:00

Passages from the Bhagavad Gita; Say the sanscrit words aloud. Dedicate your prayer to the siddhi, your spiritual master.

kâmam karma nâshanam.
"Desire results in error."

dhyâyato visayân pumsah
sangas tesûpujâyate
sangât sanjâyate kâmah
kâmât krodho 'bhijâyate

"Facing sense-objects a person develops attachment to those objects. From that attachment desire develops and from that desire anger (the drift of passion) arises."

krodhâd bhavati sammohah
sammohât smrt-vibhramah
smrti-bhramsâd buddhi-nâso
buddhi-nâsât pranasyati

"From anger (disordered mind) one gets illusions and from illusion the memory becomes bewildered. With the memory disturbed one loses one's intelligence and from that loss of intelligence one fails completely."

magic square of mercury

2005-06-22T05:45:00.000-07:00

08 58 59 05 04 62 63 01
49 15 14 52 53 11 10 56
41 23 22 44 45 19 18 48
32 34 35 29 28 38 39 25
40 26 27 37 36 30 31 33
17 47 46 20 21 43 42 24
09 55 54 12 13 51 50 16
64 02 03 61 60 06 07 57

O, Fortuna

2005-06-21T05:27:00.000-07:00

The Part of Fortune was attributed to Nechepso and Petosiris, a legendary pharaoh and his priest. The Part of Fortune is computed in the following manner:

Day Births: Fortune = Ascendant + Moon - Sun
Night Births: Fortune = Ascendant + Sun - Moon

The Part of Fortune is a primary indicator of prosperity, but it is more than that. It is created out of the longitudes of the Sun, Moon, and Ascendant, and therefore is composed out of the three of the most important places in the horoscope. If the Part of Fortune is in good condition, the relationship with the physical and social world is one that supports and enables the native to live well. The Part of Fortune is well placed when there are benefic or dignified planets in the same sign with it, or these same kinds of planets aspect the Part of Fortune. Also it was said to help the Part of Fortune if it was in a sign that was ruled by benefics. The Part of Fortune is not so well placed if it is in a sign with malefics, especially if the malefics are debilitated. Squares, oppositions, and conjunctions with malefic are also not considered to be very good. The Part of Fortune is not merely a point like the planets or the nodes. It is the start of a house system. The sign of the Part of Fortune is the first house of the Fortuna system, and the first house of the Fortuna system extends from 0 degrees to 30 degrees of the sign in which the Part is located. The sign of the Part of Fortune and its ruler give very good information on profession as it relates to making money along with the tenth house (counted in the usual manner from the Ascendant). The tenth sign from the sign of the Part of Fortune is also very good for helping to describe the actual social role that the occupation serves. The eleventh sign from the Part has a special role in determining both how well and by what means one earns money. Astrologers who actually earn money from astrology have been seen to have Mercury in the sign of the Part of Fortune, or the eleventh sign from the Part of Fortune, or ruling either of these. Mercury is the ancient ruler of astrology before Uranus was discovered.

arab parts

2005-06-20T06:02:00.000-07:00

Many of the early arabic texts which refer to games comment on the debate over the legality and morality of playing games. A mufti says: "Chess is 'mutazilla', and dice is 'gabr', because the chess player relies only upon his free-will and his wishes, whereas a dice player must obey the decree of fate." The Gabarites (from gabara, or force) denied the freedom of human decisions, and man as well as all other beings was subject to the divine decree (gabr) of Allah. Mutazilites were so-named because of mutazila, which gives the idea of dissent, and therefore heresy. They were supporters of free-will and free-thought in dogmatic matters, as well as the rational analysis of philosophical questions. The founder of the mutazzila movement was Wasil ben Atá (D. 748). The debate was settled by the eighth century when all four Muslim schools of jurispudence declared games to be haram (forbidden), however this did nothing to stop the growth in popularity of games in the Muslim world and the game is still played today in many Arab countries.

creative moment

2005-06-18T19:42:00.000-07:00

The word "qlippah" or "klippah" (plural "qlippoth") means "shell" or "husk". The idea of a covering or a garment or a vessel is common in Kabbalah, where it used, at various times and with various degrees of subtlety, to express the manner in which the light of the En Soph is "encapsulated". For example, the sephiroth, in their capacity of recipients of light, are sometimes referred to as kelim, "vessels". The duality between the container and the contained is one of the most important in Kabbalistic explanations of the creative moment. Luria's ideas have probably received more elaboration than any others in Kabbalah. The man left little in a written form, and his disciples did not concur in the presentation of what was clearly a very complex theosophical system. Luria made the first step in (conceptualizing) creation as a process (Luria) called "tzimtzum" or contraction. This contraction took place in the En Soph, the limitless, unknown, and unknowable (first cause) of Kabbalah. (First Cause) "contracted" in a process of self-limitation to make ... space ... for the creation. In the next step, the light entered this space in a jet to fill the empty vessels of the sephiroth, but all but the first three were shattered by the light. This breaking of the vessels is called "shevirah". The shards of the broken vessels fell into the abyss created by contraction, and formed the qlippoth. Most of the light returned to the En Soph, but some of it remained in the vessels ... and fell with the qlippoth.
http://www.ecauldron.com/kabbalah.php

Athena Amberosia

2005-06-18T07:56:00.000-07:00

feeling challenged by the world,
enchained by my self, foolishly i swirled
i stood there in darkness,
from nowhere, came the warrior princess
storming with lightening cesar
and piercing the wisdom dagger
to tear open my breast
and carve out in my chest
her beautiful name in my
hearts chamber
written in golden love, called amber.
http://badri.blogspot.com/

Us

2005-06-16T21:42:00.000-07:00

I’m not sure I believe
in sin
or god
or life everlasting
But oh, love,
How can I believe the end
of us?
Perhaps not sin
or god
But oh yes immortality.

© merwench 1990
http://merpoetry.blogspot.com/

games of chance and fate

2005-06-16T06:13:00.000-07:00

A most revolutionary feature in the invention of the chess is the deliberate exclusion of the dice which were widely used in many other games on these types of boards. After excluding the element of luck, redemption or victory depends basically upon individual effort and degrees of personal enlightment. This is a message implicit in chess. Chance and destiny have no place in such an ethical system. Many Arabic chess manuscripts begin with a philosophical discussion about fatalism, symbolized by dice and chess.
Essentially the conflict between the ability to choose freely or to act without election is mirrored in the respective achievements of chess and dice. One of those schools proclaims that the movements of the men, their acts and the happy or unfortunate consequences which come of them flow, by necessity, from a first cause which is superior to them and their abilities, insofar as it is none other than God who who disposes.
Subsequently, this school was divided. Those entertaining orthodox religious tendencies believed that this cause reflected divine ordinance with regard to all creatures and creation, which it was not the role of man to thwart, much less question. Opposedly, those of more naturalistic tendencies were of the persuasion that whatever causes came to bear upon the universe could be divined though inquiry into the favorable or adverse movements of chance.
On the other hand, the inventors of chess accommodated the laws of the second school, implied in the chance-free aspect of chess, an external cause that works through the choice of each individual, and cannot be pre-determined. Rather, it grants two players equality of pieces and opportunity and an impartial theatre of operations that will unavoidably correspond to the respective abilities of individuals to determine a winning outcome according to intellectual skills received from God.

woman on woman

2005-06-14T21:56:00.000-07:00

Two handsome women, gripped in argument,
each proud, acute, subtle, I hear scream
across the cut glass and majolica
like Furies cornered from their prey:
The argument ad feminam, all the old knives
that have rusted in my back, I drive in yours,
ma semblable, ma soeur!

4

Knowing themselves too well in one another:
their gifts no pure fruition, but a thorn,
the prick filed sharp against a hint of scorn...
Reading while waiting
for the iron to heat,
writing, My Life had stood--a Loaded Gun--

http://plagiarist.com/poetry/2483/

benefic - malefic

2005-06-14T06:21:00.000-07:00

- Said of planets and aspects considered to be positive or helpful influences. Traditionally, Jupiter is the Greater Benefic and Venus is the Lesser Benefic; the Sun, Moon and Mercury are moderately benefic. All harmonious aspects are benefic.
- Opposite of malefic, said of planets and aspects considered negative or harmful influences. Traditionally, Saturn is the Greater Malefic and Mars is the Lesser Malefic. Uranus, Neptune and Pluto are considered malefics. Discordant aspects are malefic.

sacred fire

2005-06-13T05:45:00.000-07:00

Vesta is not the largest asteroid, but is the only one bright enough to be seen by the naked eye. Vesta is composed of an unusual type of volcanic rock, caused by extremely high internal temperatures, that reflects a remarkable amount of sunlight. Known to the ancient Greeks as Hestia, Vesta is symbolized by the Virgin, who appears in the constellation of Virgo. The Romans worshipped her as goddess of the hearth and keeper of the sacred flame. The vestal virgins were selected at the very early age and were permitted no expression of individuality or personality. At the end of their temple service (30 years) they were allowed to marry. There were severe consequences for loss of virginity: the vestal was buried alive in the "Field of Crime." The priestesses of Vesta were responsible for securing legal documents. She had no iconographic representations and very little mythological drama associated with her. The gentle goddess never participated in warfare, conflicts, or love affairs, activities that were central to the mythology of all the other gods. When Apollo and Poseidon both approached her as suitors, she swore an oath of eternal virginity to avoid an Olympian war between them. Hestia was placed at the Greek prytaneum, the public hearth which contained the sacred fire. Women leaving home brought fire from their mother's hearth to begin their own, and Greek colonists brought a portion of fire with them to link them to the new homeland. In the horoscope Vesta can represent sexual repression. Many individuals with prominent Vesta experience shame, guilt and self-denial over their sexuality. There is an association of sex with fear. Extremely high standards concerning sex, modesty and chastity. Common sexual coupling is seen as degrading.

modest proposal

2005-06-12T10:22:00.000-07:00

Although Berkeley himself retained the term 'God' (which, in any case, he could hardly avoid without jeopardising his career in the church), it is interesting that he rarely ever makes any reference to the religious aspects of God. And he never mentions Jesus, the subject of his professed religion, in his metaphysics. This reinforces the emerging picture of Berkeley as a deist, taking the inspiration for his philosophy directly from his own experience rather than from the abstruse theology of the Pauline Christian church. Berkeley seems instinctively to have distrusted Latin dogma.

statistical cipher

2005-06-10T21:56:00.000-07:00

My only objection to gemmatria is the unquestioning acceptance of the order of the alphabet, whether aleph-tav, or A-to-Z. Does anybody know why the letter A is the first letter of the alphabet? A random sample of 1000 letters of written text yielded the following results (rank/letter/occurrences):

1. E (130)
2. T (93)
3. N (78)
4. R (77)
5. I (74)
6. O (74)
7. A (73)
8. S (63)
9. D (44)
10. H (35)
11. L (35)
12. C (30)
13. F (28)
14. P (27)
15. U (27)
16. M (25)
17. Y (19)
18. G (16)
19. W (16)
20. V (13)
21. B (9)
22. X (5)
23. K (3)
24. Q (3)
25. J (2)
26. Z (1)

According to the data, the letter A has gemmatria value 7. The letter E is 1. My name = 40. Go factor.

souvenir of mexico

2005-06-10T05:46:00.000-07:00

My family was on vacation. We were in a strange city in our RV, and we got out from time to time to go to museums and thrift stores. It seemed like California.

One area of the city was an old-fashioned marketplace, or perhaps an exotic one. A large cobblestone square was covered in blankets and sellers' wares. There were some blankets hung overhead to shield people from the sun. Cooking food and exotic incense perfumed the air.

We wandered through the market. In a corner of the square was a darkened booth made of wood and thick blankets. Inside the booth an old woman sat bent over, doing something with her hands. It looked like she was knitting or weaving or sewing. Something industrious like that.

We walked closer to the old woman's booth. There were several fluffy cats lounging around it, some on her feet, some on folding chairs and in baskets. They had long hair and were in shades of yellow and orange. They looked like friendly cats, if lazy.

We walked closer to the booth, and the cats looked up at us. Their eyes were glowing, even in the daylight. In the darkened booth their eyes looked like penlights. They looked into my eyes.

I stopped. The cats were warning me about something. Then the old woman looked up. She wasn't very wrinkled, but she looked ancient and desiccated. Her eyes were red and halogen-intense. She wore an expression of pure evil.

That's when I figured out what the cats were telling me. I had to warn my family, but I couldn't. We all walked closer to the booth. I could see what she was doing.

She was knitting another fluffy cat, out of a human soul.
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X

Odds of Making a Hand

2005-06-09T06:48:00.000-07:00

Why is the number of ways to make a hand important? For one, it is the basis for calculating the odds of being dealt a particular hand - and this is very important information for the poker player. Before we can do any further calculations,we need to know how many different 5-card hands can be dealt from a 52-card deck.This is calculated as follows:

52x51x50x49x48
--------------------- = 2,598,960 ways
5x4x3x2x1

physical attraction

2005-06-08T06:23:00.000-07:00

The philosopher Empedocles was first to propose the theory of love as First Cause. It was suggested that love and hate are extremes of the union or separation of the elements that constitute the universe. Affection moves the universe, both as desire, and as the object of desire. Love is e-motion, literal, physical motion. Love befalls like gravity. Love is like the affinity between atoms, the force a woman has on a man, attracting relentlessly, despite resistance, to the center of the earth, imponderable weight, substance of all being, metaphysical and at the same time ruled by physical law. Diotima says to Socrates at the end of the Symposium, that true love is the idea of pure beauty made concrete: solid, heavy, real.

piercing

2005-06-06T20:27:00.000-07:00

On the evening of his 18th birthday, Lobsang went to a little room in the monastery. Three lamas of high degrees came and bound his head tightly with an herbal compress to produce some kind of drug effect upon him. They came back and removed the herbal compress, and wiped his forehead clean. Then Lobsang describes, "A strong-looking lama sat behind me and took my head between his knees. The second lama opened a box and removed an instrument made of shining steel. It resembled a bradawi except that instead of having a round shaft this one was U-shaped, and in place of a point there were little teeth around the edge of the "U" For some moments the lama looked at the instrument, and then passed it through the flame of the lamp to sterilize it. The Lama...took my hands and said, 'This is quite painful, Lobsang, and it can only be done while you are fully conscious. It will not take very long, so try to keep as still as you can.' I could see various instruments laid out, and a collection of herbal lotions, and I thought to myself: 'Well, Lobsang, my boy, they will finish you one way or the other and there is nothing you can do about it--except keep quiet!' The lama with the instrument looked around to the others, and said, 'All ready? Let us start now, the sun has just set.' He pressed the instrument to the centre of my forehead and rotated the handle. For a moment there was a sensation as if someone was pricking me with thorns. To me it seemed that time stood still. There was no particular pain as it penetrated the skin and flesh, but there was a little jolt as the end hit the bone. The pain was not sharp at all, just a pressure and a dull ache. I did not move with the Lama Mingyar Dondup looking on; I would rather have died than make a move or outcry. He had faith in me, as I in him, and I knew that what he did or said was right. He was watching most closely, with a little pucker of muscles in tension at the corners of his mouth. Suddenly there was a little scrunch and the instrument penetrated the bone. Instantly its motion was arrested by the very alert operator. He held the handle of the instrument firmly while the Lama...passed him a very hard, very clean sliver of wood which had been treated by tire and herbs to make it as hard as steel. This sliver was inserted in the 'U' of the instrument and slid down so that it just entered the hole in my head. The lama operating moved slightly to one side so that the Lama Mingyar Dondup could also stand in front of me. Then, at a nod from the latter, the operator, with infinite caution, slid the sliver farther and farther. Suddenly I felt a stinging, tickling sensation apparently in the bridge of my nose. It subsided, and I became apparently aware of subtle scents which I could not identify. That, too, passed away and was replaced by a feeling as if I was pushing, or being pushed, against a resilient veil. Suddenly there was a blinding flash, and at that instant the Lama Mingyar Dondup said 'Stop!' For a moment the pain was intense, like a searing white flame. It diminished, died and was replaced by spirals of colour, and globules of incandescent smoke. The metal instrument was carefully removed. The sliver of wood remained, it would stay in place for two or three weeks and until it was removed I would have to stay in this little room almost in darkness. No one would see me except these three lamas, who would continue my instruction day by day. Until the sliver was removed I would have only the barest necessities to eat and drink. As the projecting sliver was being bound in place so that it could not move, the Lama Mingyar Dondup turned to me and said, 'You are now one of us, Lobsang. For the rest of your life you will see people as they are and not as they pretend to be.'"

exoteric

2005-06-05T09:39:00.000-07:00

The science which has to do with nature clearly concerns itself for the most part with bodies and magnitudes and their properties and movements, but also with the principles of this sort of substance, as many as they may be. For of things constituted by nature some are bodies and magnitudes, some possess body and magnitude, and some are principles of things which possess these. Now a continuum is that which is divisible into parts always capable of subdivision, and a body is that which is every way divisible. A magnitude if divisible one way is a line, if two ways a surface, and if three a body. Beyond these there is no other magnitude, because the three dimensions are all that there are, and that which is divisible in three directions is divisible in all. For, as the Pythagoreans say, the world and all that is in it is determined by the number three, since beginning and middle and end give the number of an 'all', and the number they give is the triad. And so, having taken these three from nature as (so to speak) laws of it, we make further use of the number three in the worship of the Gods. Further, we use the terms in practice in this way. Of two things, or men, we say 'both', but not 'all': three is the first number to which the term 'all' has been appropriated. And in this, as we have said, we do but follow the lead which nature gives. Therefore, since 'every' and 'all' and 'complete' do not differ from one another in respect of form, but only, if at all, in their matter and in that to which they are applied, body alone among magnitudes can be complete. For it alone is determined by the three dimensions, that is, is an 'all'. But if it is divisible in three dimensions it is every way divisible, while the other magnitudes are divisible in one dimension or in two alone: for the divisibility and continuity of magnitudes depend upon the number of the dimensions, one sort being continuous in one direction, another in two, another in all. All magnitudes, then, which are divisible are also continuous. Whether we can also say that whatever is continuous is divisible does not yet, on our present grounds, appear. One thing, however, is clear. We cannot pass beyond body to a further kind, as we passed from length to surface, and from surface to body. For if we could, it would cease to be true that body is complete magnitude. We could pass beyond it only in virtue of a defect in it; and that which is complete cannot be defective, since it has being in every respect. Now bodies which are classed as parts of the whole are each complete according to our formula, since each possesses every dimension. But each is determined relatively to that part which is next to it by contact, for which reason each of them is in a sense many bodies. But the whole of which they are parts must necessarily be complete, and thus, in accordance with the meaning of the word, have being, not in some respect only, but in every respect.

idealism

2005-06-04T18:27:00.000-07:00

Berkeley concluded that the only permissible explanation of the origin of those ideas we do not cause ourselves is another spirit. It was asked in class how Berkeley knows that he does not cause some of his ideas, and the only response is that we observe this to be so. This answer depends on the assumption of the "transparency" of the mind, that what goes on in the mind can be discovered by self-observation. Leibniz and others have challenged this assumption. Another difference between ideas said to be caused by another spirit and those which are self-caused is a difference in vivacity.
Consider Locke's example of the use of the general term 'white' to apply to chalk and snow (today) and milk (yesterday). The word is universal, applying to many objects, and corresponding to it is whiteness, a universal idea, a single color in all the complex ideas of white things. Locke called the universals "precise, naked appearances in the mind," and they are the result of the operation of abstraction (or at least so it seems).
Berkeley's picture of Locke's account of the semantics of general terms proceeded along these lines. He advanced a battery of criticisms against this picture. First, he claimed that the operation of abstraction is psychologically impossible. That is, one is unable, by any effort, to separate (or "precind") the naked appearance whiteness from the other qualities making up the complex idea of a thing. Every color is the color of some expanse with a determinate figure.

sevens

2005-06-04T08:11:00.000-07:00

Climacterial years in life are multiples of seven or nine based on the Moon's progression and Saturn's transiting cycle. The progressed Moon squares its natal position approximately every seven years and trines it every nine. Transiting Saturn follows a similar cycle relative to its natal position. Thus, climacterial ages seven, nine, fourteen, eighteen, etc. Primary climacterial periods are the forty-ninth, sixty-third, and eighty-first years (doubly climacterial: 7 x 7, 7 x 9, 9 x 9). The sixty-third year is known as the Grand Climacteric and, if aspects in the natal horoscope confirm, is considered a year when life may be endangered.

The Fates

2005-06-03T05:27:00.000-07:00

We are all subject to various kinds of fate. I mean that there are different components of destiny. The simplest one is Heimarmene, which means, "that which has already been allotted". You don't get to choose Heimarmene, its already been chosen for you. However, there's a second component of fate which is when your life is determined by your ignorance. And that component of fate is called Ananke, or necessity. There's a third component called Pronoia, which may be translated as consciousness. It is the opposite of ignorance, therefore the opposite of blind necessity. In this construct, the role of the astrologer is to "make conscious". Because, as you become conscious, you increase freedom to choose your destiny. Consciousness is the knowledge of your self as you are.

Vitruvius on Architecture

2005-06-02T06:34:00.000-07:00

1. Berosus, who travelled into Asia from the state or country of the Chaldeans, teaching his doctrines, maintained that the moon was a ball, half whereof was luminous, and the remaining half of a blue colour; and that when, in its course, it approached the sun; attracted by the rays and the force of the heat, it turned its bright side in that direction, from the sympathy existing between light and light; whence, when the sun is above it, the lower part, which is not luminous, is not visible, from the similarity of its colour to the air. When thus perpendicular to the sun's rays, all the light is confined to its upper surface, and it is then called the new moon.
2. When it passes towards the east, the sun begins to have less effect upon it, and a thin line on the edge of its bright side emits its splendour towards the earth. This is on the second day: and thus, from day to day, advancing in its circuit, the third and fourth days are numbered: but, on the seventh day, when the sun is in the west, the moon is in the middle, between the east and the west; and being distant from the sun half the space of the heavens, the luminous half side will be towards the earth. Lastly; when the sun and the moon are the whole distance of the heavens from each other, and the former, passing towards the west, shines full on the moon behind it in the east, being the fourteenth day, it is then at the greatest distance from its rays, and the complete circle of the whole orb emits its light. In the remaining days it gradually decreases till the completion of the lunar month, and then returns to re-pass under the sun; its monthly rays being determined by the number of days.

muhammad the barbarian

2005-06-01T06:55:00.000-07:00

...then the "banat al-Lah" (daughters of Allah) were overthrown by Muhammad, along with all other pagan deities. Muhammad had the people's support until this. When the Prophet saw that his people turned their backs on him he was pained and he longed that there should come to him from God a message that would reconcile his people to him. One day, while he was meditating in the Kaaba, the answer seemed to come in a revelation that gave a place to the three Goddesses without compromising his monotheistic vision:

Have you then considered the Lat and the Uzza,
And Manat, the third, the last?
These are the exhalted birds (gharaniq)
whose intercession is approved.
Koran Sura 53.19-27

Muhammad later removed these verses because he was told by Gabriel they were inspired by Satan, hence they have come to be known as "The Satanic Verses." The fact is, Allah was originally accompanied by three daughters - the "banat of al-Lah" - the three phases of the Arabian moon Goddess. They were Qre the slender one, al-Uzza the changing one, and al-Lat the full one.

game of gnostics

2005-05-31T20:40:00.000-07:00

Ziriab was the Persian musician who introduced chess from Baghdad to Cordoba in 822. The arabist Levi-Provençal indicates that Ziriab, arrived at the sea port of Algeciras/Gibraltar in 821, and was received there by a Jew named Mansur al Jehudi. Ziriab became the most popular personality in Cordoba during the caliphate of Abderrahman II, and promoted many cultural initiatives in the Cordobse court. He is best known for adding a fifth string to the "laud", the Arab sitar. He brought Zoroastrian knowledge as well, reflected in new astronomical celebrations and a lot of habits which soon became popular in Muslim Spain. Among them, the reference to number 13 as being connected with bad luck when misused, a superstition still widespread today all over the world.Since the time of Abderraman I, Al Andalus, as Muslim Spain was named, was a refuge for the Ummayyads. This turn of events took place the very moment the Abbassides seized power in Bagdad. This context must be borne in mind when looking at the relationship between Cordoba and Baghdad. "The proper fashion in Cordoba and in other small provincial courts was to imitate everything coming from Bagdad" says the arabist Henri Pérès about the 9th and 10th century of Muslim Spain. Chess was certainly in fashion.Traces of Gnostic knowledge appear very soon in Cordoba with the disciples of the "Brothers of Purity". As early as the middle of the 9th century, the whole Gnostic Encyclopaedia had been translated and divulged by the mathemathician Maslama al-Magriti ("from Madrid"!) and his disciple Al- Qirmani. A few centuries later, the kabbalist Abraham ben Ezra, also from the "school of Cordoba", published a Hebrew poem on chess ascribing its invention to "men of insight". Moreover, in other treatises he mentions the first "magic square" of Saturn (3x3), which in my opinion was the first step in the whole context of numerological correspondences in future chess.As seen in Chapter 2, other hints about the origins of chess appear in the two legends of Firdawsi. Abu al Quasim Mansur (not his real name, but an honorific title), nicknamed Firdawsi (932/42-1020/25) is the most reliable source for pre-islamic chess in Persia. In his "Book of Kings" he describes chess as an Indian invention brought to Persia during the brilliant period of Cosroes I the Great (531-579) also named Nushirwan or Anushirawan. Firdawsi means "the paradisian" and it gives another hint about the relationship between Gnostic authors and chess origins. As the historian M. Joel showed (Manuel Joel. "Blicke in die Religionsgeschichte" (1880), I, p.163. Quoted by Sholem JM, note in p. 395), "paradise" is an old talmudic allegory for Gnosis because of the tree of wisdom which grew there. Sholem points out that Origen ("Contra Celsum" VI, 33) indicated that the Gnostic sect of the Ophites used the same metaphor.

steel flames

2005-05-30T21:07:00.000-07:00

The medieval order of the Assassins was named after an order of archangels. Hashishin is from "Hashmal" -an order of archangels, and "Ishim" -another order of archangels. Hashmallim (hamshalim, chashmalim), as the highest order of angels dealing with man directly, the hashmallim are the living creatures of deity. They are associated in the Kabbalah with the Throne. A high order equated with the Domination; Ranked with cherubim and seraphim. Hashmal is eponymous chief; Zadkiel or Zacharael as head of order. In Kabbalah they belong to the Yetziratic world under Metatron. Ishim (ischim, izschim, aishim, izachim), the Ishim are the flames of deity. In the Zohar they are the Order of Angels (see also Psalms 104:4 where they are a resident of the 5th Heaven). They are made of snow and fire. In the Kabbalah they are the beautiful souls of just men (saints). In the Zohar they are interchangeable with the Bene Elim, who are equal to Throne or Angel with Azazel as chief. Their function, since the Creation, is to extol the Lord. They represent the 9th Sefirot (Eliphas Levi says the 10th). Zohar (Zephaniah or Zephemiah) is their chief. Mirandola ranks them 9th of hierarchy. Maimonides ranks them as high order of Angel. Ishlia is eponymous chief.

secret of the sphinx

2005-05-29T08:28:00.000-07:00

In order to uncover some of the mysteries that are shrouded in our mythological and religious symbols, including the Great Sphinx, we must look beyond our Earth year to a much longer cycle of our planet. We call this greater cycle, or one wobble of the Earth, the Platonic year in honor of the Greek philosopher Plato — whose ideas concerning the realities of the physical and metaphysical planes are still cherished by many of us who are seeking the wisdom of the ages. I am going to introduce this cycle in the simplest way possible, as we only need a general knowledge of it to comprehend the wisdom this book intends to impart. The combined gravitational effects of the sun, moon, and planets on the Earth’s equatorial bulge cause the Earth’s axis to sway clockwise in a slow circle, like the motion of a spinning top. It takes 25,800 years for the Earth’s axis to complete one wobble, sway, or clockwise circle. We call this 25,800-year cycle of our planet the Platonic year. It is also referred to as the precession of the equinoxes or the great year in a comprehensive dictionary. The great year is one of the longest cycles that are well known to our astronomers. The sun’s plane, which is also called the ecliptic, crosses the equator each year on March 21, the day of the Vernal Equinox. At the exact location where the sun’s plane crosses the equator, the sun would be directly above the equator at high noon, and there would be no shadow cast by a perpendicular stick protruding from level ground at the equator. In the cycle of the great year, the ecliptic intersects the celestial equator a little west from where it crossed the year before. This is known as the precession of the equinoxes. The sun, on a vernal or fall equinox, takes about 25,800 years to go all the way around the celestial equator or Zodiac and cross at the same point again. When we take an imaginary line off the Earth’s North Pole axis and extend it into the heavens, we find that the line points at a star that we call Polaris, our “North Pole” star. The cycle of the Platonic year causes the line off the North Pole to scribe a circle in the heavens approximately 25,800 years long.

music of the melech

2005-05-28T07:30:00.000-07:00

"Little Lotte thought of everything and nothing. Her hair was golden as the sun's rays and her soul as clear and blue as her eyes. She wheedled her mother, was kind to her doll, took great care of her frock and her little red shoes and her fiddle, but most of all loved, when she went to sleep, to hear the Angel of Music."
While the old man told this story, Raoul looked at Christine's blue eyes and golden hair; and Christine thought that Lotte was very lucky to hear the Angel of Music when she went to sleep. The Angel of Music played a part in all Daddy Daaés tales; and he maintained that every great musician, every great artist received a visit from the Angel at least once in his life. Sometimes the Angel leans over their cradle, as happened to Lotte, and that is how there are little prodigies who play the fiddle at six better than men at fifty, which, you must admit, is very wonderful. Sometimes, the Angel comes much later, because the children are naughty and won't learn their lessons or practise their scales. And, sometimes, he does not come at all, because the children have a bad heart or a bad conscience.
No one ever sees the Angel; but he is heard by those who are meant to hear him. He often comes when they least expect him, when they are sad and disheartened. Then their ears suddenly perceive celestial harmonies, a divine voice, which they remember all their lives. Persons who are visited by the Angel quiver with a thrill unknown to the rest of mankind. And they can not touch an instrument, or open their mouths to sing, without producing sounds that put all other human sounds to shame. Then people who do not know that the Angel has visited those persons say that they have genius.

"Deuces" Dostoevsky

2005-05-26T06:26:00.000-07:00

Upon release from prison he was forced to serve time in the army for five years. Once released in 1861 he began a liberal magazine, which was also ordered to be suspended. His gambling habit worsened with odysseys in Europe. One of the ways that he paid bill collectors from gambling or other vocations was through selling stories. When he had bills to pay he could write a piece very quickly indeed. When his writing was for his own pleasure the stories would take much longer and include a lot more thought on philosophy and human nature (Existentialism and Fyodor Dostoevsky, 2002). After this he returned to Russia in 1864 he started a new magazine. This one went bankrupt and around the same time he lost his wife, his best friend, and his brother. It was under these circumstances that he published Notes from the Underground (Existentialism and Fyodor Dostoevsky, 2002). Crime and Punishment as well as The Gambler were published in 1866, and in 1867, he remarried and gambled away all of his money and his wife's possessions on their two year honeymoon. Upon return to Russia, she took over his finances and they managed to live his last ten years in comfort (Hubben, 1954).
http://members.aol.com/bls7979/page4.html

scandal

2005-05-25T07:15:00.000-07:00

"He has a mans voice, oh, such a lovely mans voice. This is what happens: When he comes to the opera, its usually in the middle of the first act. He gives three little taps on the door of Box Five. The first time I heard those three taps, when I knew there was no one in the box, you can think how puzzled I was. I opened the door, listened, looked; nobody. And then I heard a voice say, Mame Jules (my poor husbands name was Jules), a footstool, please. Saving your presence, gentlemen, it made me feel alloverish like. But the voice went on, Dont be frightened, Mame Jules, I'm the Opera ghost. And the voice was so soft and kind that I hardly felt frightened. The voice was sitting in the corner chair, on the right, in the front row."
"Was there any one in the box on the right of Box Five." asked Moncharmin.
"No; Box Seven, and Box Three, the one on the left, were both empty. The curtain had only just gone up."
"And what did you do."
"Well, I brought the footstool. Of course, it wasn't for himself he wanted it, but for his lady. But I never heard her nor saw her."
"Eh. What. So now the ghost is married. " The eyes of the two managers traveled from Mame Giry to the inspector, who, standing behind the boxkeeper, was waving his arms to attract their attention. He tapped his forehead with a distressful forefinger, to convey his opinion that the widow Jules Giry was most certainly mad, a piece of pantomime which confirmed M. Richard in his determination to get rid of an inspector who kept a lunatic in his service.

music in steel

2005-05-24T06:17:00.000-07:00

It comes as no surprise to learn that Eduardo Chillida's original intent was to become an architect. The selective markings that are imposed onto the topographies of steel, paper or clay are often as seen from above and representative of foundations that will extend into the third dimension. Specific architectural elements regularly allude to building either visually or in a work's title (eg., "Liberty Door"). In "Homage to Architecture III", three metaphorical buildings interact and are unified by a flat slab of a pedestal that we are clearly asked to view as a plaza. But, while there may be a persistent streak of homage to man-made habitation in Chillida's work, it is equally clear why the controlled rigor of the discipline was not right for him. In his work he is always expressing a need to poetically break away from the logic of structure in favor of an intuitive feeling for placement and rhythm. http://www.fundacion.telefonica.com/at/cole/imagenes/ch08.jpg

"our music is in the mind"

2005-05-23T20:53:00.000-07:00

The third harmonic partial, at three times the frequency of the fundamental, is a perfect fifth above the second harmonic. A perfect fifth is 3 tones plus a semitone. The fifth is divided into a major and minor third. A major third is 2 tones, and a minor third tone plus semitone.

tone / ratio
unison 1:1
minor second 16:15
major second 9:8
minor third 6:5
major third 5:4
perfect fourth 4:3
tritone 7:5
perfect fifth 3:2
minor sixth 8:5
major sixth 5:3
minor seventh 16:90
major seventh 15:80
octave 2:1

bell .wav file samples & history: http://www.ausbell.com/Understanding/evolution.html

family romance

2005-05-22T08:28:00.000-07:00

I would like to respond to the comment by Immortal Beloved in reply to my blogspot post, Love Koan, from a few days ago. "Swim," she wrote. Recently, on alt.dreams, I recounted a story about a girl I rescued from drowning in a swimming pool. It was an emotional incident for me, as I said. Now, I would like to return to my reaction. In an emergency you see things you wouldn't notice at other times as I did at the time of the accident. After the crisis had passed I looked around at the circumstances of the mishap. I was astonished at the mother's look of indifference, almost satisfaction, about the incident. She smoked a cigarette! In my state of heightened awareness I couldn't avoid thinking that the mother didn't care if her infant daughter nearly drowned. As I said in my alt.dreams message to that effect, I felt an irrational desire to claim the little girl for my own, because I felt more worthy of caring for her than her callous mother. This goes to the heart of my Love Koan, and how it concerns you -and every woman. A mother's feelings toward a daughter are different from (not less than) her feelings for a son. A mother is protective of her son. As a father challenges a son to "be a man," mothers will expose a daughter to challenges of the kind she will experience as a woman. Thus, let it be said without hypocrisy that the experience-to-come is a womans's relations with a man, specifically, dependence. That swimming pool incident was no accident. It was a lesson for the little girl. I played a useful role. More can be said about the meaning of the lesson than fits here in the form of a blog post. The important connection I want to establish at this time, to the deep meaning (excuse the pun) of my Love Koan, is the determining influence of a mother on a daughter's life from infancy. When I ask about your mother, that's what I am getting at. Talk about your mother. Blog it.

you never know

2005-05-21T06:05:00.000-07:00

From: Mara <maratheartist@...com>
To: xepera@...com
Date: Mon, 17 Jan 2000 13:53:16 -0500 (EST)
dear x_r,
Hello I am Mara. I have a question for you. After reading your posts on the ixtlan digest I have become very curious as to what you are researching or what project you are doing. I would be very interested to hear about it.
Thank you,
M.
-----------------------------------------------
Date: Mon, 17 Jan 2000 17:47:03 -0500 (EST)
Hello again x_r,
You never know what is going to turn up in your email do you? I'm actually doing some research on a gentleman who I actually have pruchased plants from in the past. As it turns out, he is one of the forerunners in Mexican hallucinagenic plants. I didn't know this before when I began buying the plants from him, but read a book on Salvia Divinorin just last night and his name was actually in there as one of the main contributors of information! I think, my friend, this information is for you. I, myself, am very interested in researching the plants and would be interested to find what you have so far. Perhaps we could pull our heads together and see what we can see.
Until next time,
-M.
-----------------------------------------------
Date: Tue, 18 Jan 2000 01:43:05 -0500 (EST)
Wow, now that is a list and a half! Yes, it is Daniel Siebert. The literature was D.M. Turner's book. I assume you have read it. Daniel's site is very good too if you have not seen it already: salvia.lycaeum.org Daniel is very good about getting me what I need when I need it. He is also very good at emailing. If you would like his email, I can ask him if it would be alright to hand it over to you. He has even met me in a coffee shop when he prefers to mail his products! How's that for service?! Good guy.
"I am trying to figure out how to do it on the Ixtlan list."-->I think perhaps your best bet is to do it this way-privately-as you are doing now for obvious reasons. If there are people out there who can help and are meant to, they will.
"I believe don Juan's "little smoke" was Salvia- not mushrooms."-->I was wondering myself if there was some Salvia in there someplace. It is so prevelant to that area that I can only believe that it was present for his journeys a some points. It is also entirely possible that those particular journeys were either too far outthere and he lost the capacity to write or he could not get a grasp on the reason (of which there is absolutely none) which would definitely be "oh so Carlos"!
-M.
-----------------------------------------------

50 Ways To Leave Your Lover

2005-05-20T18:27:00.000-07:00

The following tables give the odds of being dealt specific poker hands and the odds of drawing winning hands. Also given are the number of possible ways a particular poker hand can be made with a 52-card deck. The number of ways to make various poker hands is the basis for most statistical calculations in poker or video poker. Before computers, professional gamblers reckoned these numbers manually, or hired the services of a mathematician. If you don't know how it is done, the following examples may be enlightening. Assuming a 52-card deck with no wild cards, let's see how many ways there are to make a straight flush. It is not too hard to visualize that, for a single suit, there are 10 ways. These are:
A-2-3-4-5
2-3-4-5-6
3-4-5-6-7
4-5-6-7-8
5-6-7-8-9
6-7-8-9-10
7-8-9-10-J
8-9-10-J-Q
9-10-J-Q-K
10-J-Q-K-A
Multiply these 10 ways by 4 suits, and we arrive at a total of 40 ways. Four of these are royal flushes, so the number is usually given as 36 ways.

love koan

2005-05-20T06:54:00.000-07:00

falling in love

sink or swim

pickled

2005-05-19T05:53:00.000-07:00

EXCERPT FROM PIKHAL [Phenethylamines I Have Known And Loved] by Alexander Shulgin
MESCALINE; 3,4,5-TRIMETHOXYPHENETHYLAMINE
SYNTHESIS: A solution of 20 g 3,4,5-trimethoxybenzaldehyde, 40 mL nitromethane, and 20 mL cyclohexylamine in 200 mL of acetic acid was heated on the steam bath for 1 h. The reaction mixture was then diluted slowly and with good stirring, with 400 mL H2O, which allowed the formation of a heavy yellow crystalline mass...
QUALITATIVE COMMENTS: (with 300 mg) I would have liked to, and was xpecting to, have an exciting visual day, but I seemed to be unable to escape self-analysis. At the peak of the experience I was quite intoxicated and hyper with energy, so that it was not hard to move around. I was quite restless. But I spent most of the day in considerable agony, attempting to break through without success. I learned a great deal about myself and my inner workings. Everything almost was, but in the final analysis, wasn't. I began to become aware of a point, a brilliant white light, that seemed to be where God was entering, and it was inconceivably wonderful to perceive it and to be close to it. One wished for it to approach with all one's heart. I could see that people would sit and meditate for hours on end just in the hope that this little bit of light would contact them. I begged for it to continue and come closer but it did not. It faded away not to return in that particular guise the rest of the day. Listening to Mozart's Requiem, there were magnificent heights of beauty and glory. The world was so far away from God, and nothing was more important than getting back in touch with Him. But I saw how we created the nuclear fiasco to threaten the existence of the planet, as if it would be only through the threat of complete annihilation that people might wake up and begin to become concerned about each other. And so also with the famines in Africa. Many similar scenes of joy and despair kept me in balance. I ended up the experience in a very peaceful space, feeling that though I had been through a lot, I had accomplished a great deal. I felt wonderful, free, and clear.

questions

2005-05-18T19:51:00.000-07:00

...tell us, said the other, the whole story, and how and from whom Solon heard this veritable tradition. He replied, "In the Egyptian Delta, at the head of which the river Nile divides, there is a certain district which is called the district of Sais, and the great city of the district is also called Sais, and is the city from which King Amasis came. The citizens have a deity for their foundress; she is called in the Egyptian tongue Neith, and is asserted by them to be the same whom the Hellenes call Athene; they are great lovers of the Athenians, and say that they are in some way related to them. To this city came Solon, and was received there with great honour; he asked the priests who were most skilful in such matters, about antiquity, and made the discovery that neither he nor any other Hellene knew anything worth mentioning about the times of old. On one occasion, wishing to draw them on to speak of antiquity, he began to tell about the most ancient things in our part of the world-about Phoroneus, who is called the first man, and about Niobe; and after the Deluge, of the survival of Deucalion and Pyrrha; and he traced the genealogy of their descendants, and reckoning up the dates, tried to compute how many years ago the events of which he was speaking happened. Thereupon one of the priests, who was of a very great age, said: O Solon, Solon, you Hellenes are never anything but children, and there is not an old man among you. Solon in return asked him what he meant. I mean to say, he replied, that in mind you are all young; there is no old opinion handed down among you by ancient tradition, nor any science which is hoary with age. And I will tell you why. There have been, and will be again, many destructions of mankind arising out of many causes; the greatest have been brought about by the agencies of fire and water, and other lesser ones by innumerable other causes."

The Dweller on the Threshold

2005-05-17T21:40:00.000-07:00

One of the peculiarities of Bulwer was his passion for occult studies.
The chief interest of the story for the ordinary reader centres, not in its ghostly characters and improbable machinery, the scenes in Mejnour's chamber in the ruined castle among the Apennines, the colossal and appalling apparitions on Vesuvius, the hideous phantom with its burning eye that haunted Glyndon, but in the loves of Viola and the mysterious Zanoni, the blissful and the fearful scenes through which they pass, and their final destiny, when the hero of the story sacrifices his own "charmed life" to save hers, and the Immortal finds the only true immortality in death.
My life would be to her one marvel. Even if, on the other hand, I sought to guide her path through the realms of terror to the light, think of the Haunter of the Threshold, and shudder with me at the awful hazard! I have endeavoured to fill the Englishman's ambition with the true glory of his art; but the restless spirit of his ancestor still seems to whisper in him, and to attract to the spheres in which it lost its own wandering way. There is a mystery in man's inheritance from his fathers. Peculiarities of the mind, as diseases of the body, rest dormant for generations, to revive in some distant descendant, baffle all treatment and elude all skill. Come to me from thy solitude amidst the wrecks of Rome! I pant for a living confidant,--for one who in the old time has himself known jealousy and love. I have sought commune with Adon-Ai; but his presence, that once inspired such heavenly content with knowledge, and so serene a confidence in destiny, now only troubles and perplexes me.

poestulate

2005-05-17T06:35:00.000-07:00

Provided by The Internet Classics Archive. See bottom for copyright. Available online at http://classics.mit.edu//Aristotle/poetics.html
PoeticsBy Aristotle
Translated by S. H. Butcher
----------------------------------------------------------------------
SECTION 1
Part I
I propose to treat of Poetry in itself and of its various kinds, noting the essential quality of each, to inquire into the structure of the plot as requisite to a good poem; into the number and nature of the parts of which a poem is composed; and similarly into whatever else falls within the same inquiry. Following, then, the order of nature, let us begin with the principles which come first.

come closer

2005-05-16T21:23:00.000-07:00

From: cust_support
Newsgroups: alt.dreams
Subject: Re: Hypnotic Homunculus. Marooned. A Handful of Germs. Camping On the Moon.

Thanks, Marco. It is working. I will think about your dream all day today. This part speaks to me, anyway:

> ...a place in the Nevada desert where trains go
> along a tan-painted concrete embankment, to return him to his
> parents. But he has a hypnotic power; I realize that I and
> another person (?) have been fooled. The boy's parents aren't
> here and they aren't coming here; /he/ wanted to be here, to
> escape. He's gone.
> The dream jumps back to just before he disappeared. I
> imagine using magic hypnotic power on him to make him want to
> use his magic hypnotic power for good instead of evil, but
> that seems like it would violate a fundamental rule of how
> things work. Anyway, he's out of the house and his gang is
> routed.

I left home in 1989. I have had no contact with family or friends known before that date since. I made this great sacrifice for hypnotic power, as you put it. I won't go into that here. The gang may be "routed," but the gang leader is at large, living in Las Vegas, in the Nevada desert. Your reference to a "tan embankment" is as good as directions. Notice how I-15 banks Northeast on the map.

at the coliseum

2005-05-16T21:15:00.000-07:00

In Nietzsche's Birth of Tragedy we read the novel theory that music evolved out of cruelty. What makes this theory novel is not the conjunction of music with suffering. We all suffer from bad music. Before civilization became widespread--and among savage societies today--an innocent delight was taken in the spectacle of suffering. The infamous blood sport of the Roman Coliseum is an example. Nietzsche's originality was in reasoning dialectically about aesthetics. When a victim of cruelty cried plaintively the cruelty was prolonged. The more touching the victim's protest--so much longer was the cruelty prolonged. Very expressive victims were ultimately spared. Only the defiant were killed. The most expressive victims lived to tell about their ordeal, married, reproduced - leading to the survival of the expressiveness trait! Some became famous celebrities in their own right. I saw a subway poster for a performance by the pop singer Marc Anthony today. He looks like he is suffering. He looks like the descendant of a grandsire traiteur which was burned at the stake for some sin. It should be a good show.

i kid you not.

2005-05-16T06:49:00.000-07:00

I'll drink to that!!! I was reading about two guys who ingested Datura in a public park, it was a website you recommended, one of the guys starting growing hair all over his body like a werewolf---oooooooooooooohh, This was confirmed by witnesses in the park, the other guy, the narrator, saw Datura as a demon goddess who was stalking him with her allies thru the park. The guy finally flags down a car and jumps in, he ends up in the police station telling the police that he is being pursued by a cult of satanist. I wonder about an excursion into the unknown, without a guide it may be futile. Like a motherless child born in the wilderness. Maybe a pack of wolves may offer you guidance, but what would neighbors think of you when you are invited over for dinner? HA Here another analogy, Learning to play an instrument without a teacher, I was horrible in the beginning, then I had a few lessons and that was enough for me. I needed that guidance, how tune my strings, how to play a chord, and that was it, with these few items I am now able to play any tune I hear. I guess knowlege is power, as they say. thanks for all the info you share
"r b" cayote

Blue Benefits Brains

2005-05-15T16:10:00.000-07:00

...plants also need to protect themselves from free radical damage. The pigments in bark, rinds, seeds, leaves, fruits, and flowers are very active antioxidants. Research has consistently shown that increased consumption of citrus fruits and cruciferous vegetables such as cabbage and broccoli is associated with reduced risk of coronary heart disease and stroke. Keep in mind: what's good for coronary health is good for cerebral health, because both the heart and the brain rely on a healthy vascular system. His team found that vitamin C is only responsible for a small portion of the antioxidant activity. Instead, almost all of this activity in apples is from phytochemicals. Eating 100 grams of fresh apple with skins provided the total antioxidant activity equal to 1,500 milligrams of vitamin C. Researchers looked at the relationship between the thickness of carotid (neck) artery walls and consumption of lutein, a phytochemical cousin of beta carotene. Increased carotid thickness is associated with increased risk for stroke. Part of the carotenoid family of phytochemicals, lutein is found in carrots and in dark leafy greens such as spinach, kale, and collard greens, as well as in oranges and eggs. It is the pigment that gives corn and marigolds their golden color.
Cyanioxidants
Some of the most potent plant-derived antioxidants are the proanthocyanidins – a subclass of bioflavonoids named for the blue (cyan) pigment that gives certain plants their distinguishing blue hues. This blue color seems to indicate antioxidant protection that's particularly beneficial for the brain. Proanthocyanidins are able to cross the blood-brain barrier and protect against both water- and fat-soluble free radicals. This allows them to prevent damage to the fatty membrane of a neuron as well as to its aqueous interior. The antioxidant activity of proanthocyanidins is many times that of vitamin C or E. What's more, they have a "sparing" effect on these antioxidant vitamins, because proanthocyanidins are the first to neutralize free radicals. This allows the vitamins to carry out their other metabolic functions, instead of being used up to control free radicals.
Blueberries
When Tufts University researchers analyzed more than 40 fruits and vegetables, they found that raw blueberries contained the highest level of antioxidants – nearly 60 times the recommended daily levels – more than blackberries, beets, spinach, and garlic. Animals fed an antioxidant-rich blueberry extract diet showed fewer age-related motor changes and outperformed their study counterparts on memory tests. "The exciting finding from this study is the potential reversal of some age-related impairments in both memory and motor coordination, especially with blueberry supplements,"
Grape Seeds and Pine Bark
Dark red grapes are rich in proanthocyanidins, especially their seeds, so grape seed extract is frequently used in nutritional supplement programs. Other plants well-known for their high levels of proanthocyanidins include pine and ginkgo trees. Our knowledge of pine bark goes back nearly 500 years to when the French explorer Jacques Cartier reported that a tea made by Native Americans from pine tree bark saved the lives of his crew who were dying of scurvy. "Pycnogenol" is the name of a mix of about forty different antioxidants extracted from the bark of the French maritime pine tree, Pinus maritima. It was the strongest of all the antioxidants tested - able to knock out some of the worst free radicals. It even prevented test cultures of brain cells from dying after being exposed to chemicals that would normally kill these cells. Ginkgo leaves contain potent proanthocyanidins that protect cerebral blood vessel walls by neutralizing free radicals. Ginkgo is particularly effective in quenching the superoxide anion and hydroxyl radical.
Curry Power
Curcumin is a powerful antioxidant and anti-inflammatory compound found in the curry spice turmeric, which has a long history of dietary and medicinal use in India. In animal studies at UCLA, curcumin was shown to reduce the accumulation of beta-amyloid plaques in the synapses of the rodents' brain cells. Synapses connect nerve cells and are crucial for memory, so their loss correlates well with memory decline in Alzheimer's disease. Rats fed curcumin also performed much better in memory-dependent maze tests compared with rats on normal diets. Frautschy plans to test the phytochemicals in rosemary and ginger, because their structures are similar to curcumin's.

chance, probability, bet

2005-05-15T15:55:00.000-07:00

Racetrack gambling is an example of a complex feedback system between the expectation of winning and the probability of losing. To clarify the difference between probability and odds, the probability of an event is:
(Chances for)
P(x) = ---------------
(Total chances)
So, for example, the probability of drawing an ace in a single deck of 52 cards is
4/52 = 1/13 (or about 0.077 = 7.7%).
Odds, on the other hand, are given as;
(Chances for) : (Chances against)
Of course, (Total chances) = (Chances for) + (Chances against), so we can determine (Chances against) as (Total chances) - (Chances for). The odds of drawing an ace in a deck of cards are
4:(52-4) = 4:48 = 1:12.
When the odds are converted to probabilities, they usually add up to more than 1 to give the house the edge - that's how the track makes its money. Let's take a simple example. Suppose we have a series of 12 races with 4 horses, given the following betting odds (for simplicity, we'll only consider the odds of winning each race);
Horse Odds Probability (from odds)
Horse A 1:1 1/(1+1) = 1/2 = 6/12
Horse B 2:1 1/(1+2) = 1/3 = 4/12
Horse C 3:1 1/(1+3) = 1/4 = 3/12
Horse D 5:1 1/(1+5) = 1/6 = 2/12
Total Probability = 15/12 > 1
Now suppose I were to bet $1 on each horse for each race. In order for me to break even on each horse, horse A would have to win 6 of the 12 races - then I'd win +$6 on the races A won and lose -$6 on the races A lost. Similarly, horse B would have to win 4 of the 12 races for me to break even -- I'd win 2 * $4 = +$8 (because of the 2:1 odds) on the wins but lose -$8 on the losses. Horse C would have to win 3 of the 12 races (3*$3 = +$9 on the wins, -$9 on the losses), and horse D would have to win 2 of the 12 races (2*$5 = +$10 on the wins, -$10 on the losses). Of course, this means that all together, they have to have 15 wins in 12 races, so somewhere they're going to fall 3 short of my "break even" requirement. If, for example, horse A only wins 5 races and horse C only wins 2 races, then I've lost -$2 on horse A (+$5, -$7) and -$6 on horse C (2*$2 = +$4, -$10). The house has just collected $8 from my pocket.
As long as no horse wins more often than its "probability" (based on odds), the house wins. Of course, it is possible that horses D and B will win 4 races each, horse B will win 3 races, and horse A will only win 1 race. In this case, I will lose -$10 (+$1, -$11) on horse A, break even on horses B and C, and win +$12 (4*$5 = +$20, -$8) on horse D for a net winning of $2 - But you can "bet" that that won't happen too often.

interesting dream

2005-05-15T08:59:00.000-07:00

Newsgroup alt.dreams
Subject: a nightmare
Date: 1999/09/21
Author: Stacey <***@yahoo.com>
I dreamt i was driving the car, and i turned a corner, left onto a highway, I didnt see anything coming, but suddenly I heard on a loadspeaker "You better watch out I'm about to run into you".. I looked behind me and there was a big Gas Tanker fishtailing and jackknifing out of control cuz it was braking so hard.The Gas Tanker was green and shiny, like a metallic green. I sped up the car to get away from it and everything was ok...till the next minute I heard it again...I looked behind me and the gas tanker was doing it to another car..(i realised that the gas tanker was evil and trying to scare ppl). I just drove on thinking "what a jerk".... I needed to find a park, so i turned off the highway to where I needed to go and parked in a street that was being demolished. I parked and saw that the gutter of the road was completely gone..an abyss..the same for all sides of the road..It was like a cul de sac. Tho the buildings on the pavement seemed fine, if not a little derelict. I was a bit worried and it took me a little while to finally decide to park there. I got out of the car and headed up the hill to the highway again, cuz this is the way i needed to go (dont know where i was heading). I was walking along and behind me were two ppl panicking. I saw the gas tanker had crashed and the gas or whatever it was .. was filling the air. They were trying to run away. I knew i had to run away, so i started running..I looked back and the two ppl had exploded into flames and were rolling around on the ground in agony. I knew if i didnt get out fast I'd be next. I could feel the heat around me..I was so hot! I knew I was going to burst into flames but i kept running...I wondered what the gas was..making everything just burst into flames like that..... I was scared...then i woke up as i was running.

Interesting that when i woke up i had to remove a blanket cuz i was too hot

qlippotic

2005-05-14T15:11:00.000-07:00

"The Kabalists compare the spirit to a substance which remains fluid in the divine medium and under the influence of the essential light. Its exterior, however, becomes solidified, like wax when exposed to air, in the colder realms of reasoning or of visible forms. These shells, envelopes petrified or carnified, are the source of errors or of evil, which connects with the heaviness and hardness of animal envelopes. In the book Zohar, and in that of the Revolution of Souls, perverse spirits or evil demons are never called otherwise than shells - cortices. The cortices of the world of spirits are transparent, while those of the material world are opaque. Bodies are only temporary shells, whence souls have to be liberated; but those who in this life obey the flesh build up an interior body or fluidic shell, which, after death, becomes their prison-house and torment, until the time arrives when they succeed in dissolving it in the warmth of the divine light, towards which, however, the burden of their grossness hinders them from ascending. Indeed, they can do so only after infinite struggles, and by the mediation of the just, who stretch forth their hands towards them. During the whole period of the process they are devoured by the interior activity of the captive spirit, as in a burning furnace. Those who attain the pyre of expiation burn themselves thereon, like Hercules upon Mount Aetna, and so are delivered from their sufferings; but the courage of the majority fails before this ordeal, which seems to them a second death more appalling than the first, and so they remain in hell, which is rightly and actually eternal; but souls are never precipitated nor even retained despite themselves therein." (Eliphas Levy)

Mentions a DMT trip where the author is greeted by "self transforming machine elves"

2005-05-14T09:13:00.000-07:00

3 - Alien LoveHello... So like that was an introduction, now for some preaching to the choir on the subject of how come it is that the further in you go the bigger it gets. I remember the very, very first time that I smoked DMT. It was sort of a benchmark you might say, and I remember that this friend of mine that always got there first visited me with this little glass pipe and this stuff which looked like orange mothballs. And since I was a graduate of Dr. Hoffman's I figured there were no surprises. So the only question I asked is, 'How long does it last?' and he said, 'About five minutes.' So I did it and... (long pause, audience cheers)....there was a something, like a flower, like a chrysanthemum in orange and yellow that was sort of spinning, spinning, and then it was like I was pushed from behind and I fell through the chrysanthemum into another place that didn't seem like a state of mind, it seemed like another place. And what was going on in this place aside from the tastefully socketed indirect lighting, and the crawling geometric hallucinations along the domed walls, what was happening was that there were a lot of ahh.. beings in there, what I call self - transforming machine elves. Sort of like jewelled basketballs all dribbling their way toward me. And if they'd had faces they would have been grinning, but they didn't have faces. And they assured me that they loved me and they told me not to be amazed; not to give way to astonishment. And so I watched them, even though I wondered if maybe I hadn't really done it this time, and what they were doing was they were making objects come into existence by singing them into existence. Objects which looked like Faberge eggs from Mars morphing them- selves with mandiean(sp) alphabetical structures. They looked like the concrescence of liguistic intentionality put through a kind of hyper - dimensional transform into three-dimensional space. And these little machines offered themselves to me. And I realized when I looked at them that if I could bring just one of these little trinkets back, nothing would ever be quite the same again.

The Other Ptolemy

2005-05-14T09:01:00.000-07:00

When Claudius Ptolemy wrote the Tetrabiblos (circa 139CE), the Northern Vernal Point was fairly close to 0* Aries. The two zodiacs nearly coincided, which is how the tropical signs received the qualities of the sidereal constellations. All Ptolemy did was note this fact. He never endorsed the Tropical Zodiac! This endorsement was really due to people who misunderstood, and then mistranslated, Ptolemy's comments.

birth of blog

2005-05-14T07:38:00.000-07:00

moon in leo uranus conjunct mars
show-and-tell time, new technology, hardware